Turning in His Man Card ...

Well ... just the other morning I loaded up Barnabas in to the family "swagger wagon" for what he thought was an early morning special treat just for him ... and in a way it was. He just didn't know where he was going. He's tall enough now that he can stand on all fours and stick his head out of the rear window of the van. He gets that neck stretched out, his nose in the air, and his jowls start flapping in the wind like crazy. And I cannot help enjoying all the funny expressions and rubber neckers that swerve all over the road as they drive by! And Barnabas loves it too ... especially the gallons of drool part that leaves spit strings all the way down the back of my car ... it's unbelievable. Seriously ... it's like a road trip and a car wash all in one!

We arrived at the vet and he was still as chipper as could be. He strode in to the giant waiting room and immediately all eyes were on him. Of course, he was completely oblivious, which is why I think it's so funny. But gasps and whispers filled the air as each person in turn asked their question ... "How old is he?" "How much does he EAT?" "How much does he weigh?" "Is he as gentle as they say?" Ha .... it totally entertains me! So as he's basking in the shower of admiration, he has no idea that he's about to turn in his man card. Oh yeah ... it's snippage time ... today is the day to get "fixed." (Or as my 7 year old loves to say, "he's gettin' his junk cut off Momma!" ... well ... yes, he is). And since our vet does not take appointments you can pretty much guarantee sitting there for at least an hour. Barnabas chose to spend that hour in my lap ...


When his turn arrived, I dropped him off without a fight and promised him lots of TLC when he got home. I picked him up the next day expecting to find him humiliated and embarrassed with a large lamp shade collar thing around his neck and his tail tucked ... but he was fine ... like he didn't miss a beat (or anything else :). And I thought to myself, "Well, dang. I wish I could get 'fixed' that easily." No ... I'm not trans-gender, just in case you were wondering. I'm not talking about that kind of "fixed." I'm talking about the turning in the other type of "man card" .... the fleshly man, the carnal man, the selfish man that wages war against my spirit ... that's the man card I'd like to turn in so easily. Sometimes the war between my inner man and my spirit can become so tiring, especially when I'm wrestling through hard faith issues.

Recently I have been reading "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. It is a short book describing Lewis' loss of faith and faith restored after the death of his bride. It is raw and real, which always sucks me in immediately. Describing his search for God in his grief Lewis writes, "suppose that what you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The kinder and more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless. " It still hurts but it makes sense. If God gave in to our cries for mercy before he was done uprooting our sin, then it would all be for naught. And we know that God does nothing in vain.

Lewis also describes the beginning moments of his sorrow and how he felt like God was no where to be found. He states, "But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become." Ouch. It wouldn't have struck a nerve so much if I hadn't felt the same way lately. At times that silence seemed deafening. But so much comfort is found in knowing that one of the most beloved theologians/authors in recent history felt that way too! Towards the end of his book, Lewis comes back to this idea. He says, "And so, perhaps, with God. I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted. Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face? The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can't give it: you are like the drowning man who can't be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear." Hmm. Maybe. Still not sure I like that I answer, but I'm chewing on it. Sometimes things have to go down like a lozenge ... just let it sit in the back of your mouth and slowly dissolve.

What are your thoughts? Why do you think that sometimes God is silent (or seems absent) when Scripture promises us that he's not? I'd love to know your thoughts ...