There are many things to "do" ... gather food, non-perishables, household supplies, (dog food!) Check on neighbors, check on parents, check on kids' schoolwork ...
Keep up with hourly evolving CDC guidelines, gloves on - gloves off - sanitize - gloves back on - wipe with purple wipes - "oh no, did I touch that bag first?" Don't cough, don't sneeze, don't touch your face. Don't hug me, stand 6 feet away, "oh no, my mask broke! Where's the stapler?" Shit - did I sanitize the stapler first? Now I have to change gloves again ... gloves on - sanitize - gloves off. New gloves .... Here comes another EMS gowned up ... yep another Rule Out ... back in full PPE. At least maybe I'll sweat off weight like the wrestlers do when they wear those plastic bags ...
Come home ... shoes and clothes off in the garage (thank goodness I have a garage door!) Scream at your youngest to hide her phone since she's FaceTiming her BFF and you don't want her to share your naked butt streaking through the house. Streak. Climb into a piping shower. Scrub down ... every inch ... twice. No three times. Who knows what's living in my hair?? Wash it again. Breathe. Did I get it all? I don't know, but I hope so. Climb out of the shower and into my pajamas, cause I'm obviously not going anywhere else. Make dinner. Check schoolwork - whatever, I'll give that a pass tonight! Sit down to eat. Kid #1 coughs .... silence. Did I bring it home??? Did I get him sick?? Oh God .... mind racing again. What if I did?? What if I'm an asymptomatic carrier?? Kid #1 forced to sleep in my room that night ... on the love seat ... so I can listen to him breathe. Monitor his cough. Check his temp ...
It's constant internal noise. And it's been speaking over my peace and purpose the last week. God has called us to walk by faith and in His presence ... especially in times like these. "Rachel ... you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." What is that one thing? Sitting at the Lord's feet listening to what he's saying, not being distracted by all the preparations that have to be made (Luke 10:39, 40).
The situation is real. The fear is real. But it does not have to control me. Fear is always a liar intended to steal, kill and destroy the peace promised in Christ. I am daily learning to speak TO my fear ... tell it that it has NO AUTHORITY over me. It does NOT have the final word over my life or my family. My GOD is bigger than my fear. And I'm constantly having to battle that out in prayer throughout each day. You may not believe this but up until about a year ago I had given up on praying. For more than one reason, but I had decided it didn't work or it didn't matter. But a whole
lot has changed in a year. You see, this little picture below is now my favorite room in the house.
It's where I have hashed out some hard stuff, broken some serious chains in prayer. I've cried, snotted, yelled, cursed, screamed and slept in this little corner of heaven. It's been my go-to for months and it's my go-to now. Even when I don't know WHAT TO PRAY I fall on my face and weep, trusting that tears are a language God understands.
I think God is forcing us to be STILL, to be QUIET. To shut down the internal noise and listen for Him, to Him. So much has been removed or taken away that we really don't have an excuse to ignore Him anymore. If you don't know where to start I'm just going to throw out a few things that helped me over the last year and maybe they will help you too ....
These are four of the books I've read over the last few months ... they are different styles of writing and backgrounds of authors but each one has challenged and changed me immensely.
Lastly I want to share a link to a sermon about fear that I pray will minister to you. I challenge you to take a walk and listen. Or find a quiet place in your house to hear. Just 30 minutes to speak peace over your soul in the midst of chaos.
The Invitation of God in Seasons of Fear By Jabin Chavez, City Light Church
You are a warrior! You write with such feeling and emotion and I feel like I'm right there with you.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing and you have amazing kids!!
Keep your scriptures close! It wonderful that scriptures come to your mind while all the other noise is there too.
Thank you Rachel for keeping this real! Some people are becoming complacent because we've never had to be this vigilant about our health and the health of those around us.
I can't wait to read the next post!
Praying that in your times of fear God will give the PEACE that passes understanding! Listening to hymns have helped me- some of those hymn authors have gone through unbelievably fearful times and yet kept a solid faith. This world is not our home- thank you Jesus!!!
ReplyDelete😭it has been my joy to watch your walk these last couple of years ...God is not threatened by our outbursts/ doubts/ worries or fears..,He has never left your side... He is your constant lover of your soul... and your children’s soul...
ReplyDeleteThis virus has def leveled the playing field., and many who have never thought of eternity/ or salvation..are turning to Him.. I’m thankful you had deep roots before all this virus.,
Thousands of prayers go up for you daily! And your family.
“ draw near to God and He will draw near to you”. Thank you for your honest and boldness for our savior!