Is He Big Enough??

Is he big enough? You probably think I'm talking about Barnabas, but this time I'm not. I'm talking about God. I keep repeating that question to myself over and over it seems, and somehow, it seems to give me a quiet and undefined confidence.

He is big enough. Big enough for my questions. Big enough for my doubts. Big enough to wrestle through struggles with me without snapping me in two. Big enough to hold the world in His hands yet still cradle me in His arms. One of the reasons I am not afraid of who I am is because God is not afraid of who I am. He knows me. And He's big enough to handle me.

There are so many people that doubt. Or they're angry or paralyzed by some gripping fear, but they don't want God to know about it. They would feel "unspiritual" by telling Him. That might, in their minds, seem blasphemous. But I have found freedom in that raw honesty. If God really is who He says He is, then He's big enough to handle anything that I could throw at Him. Not that I'm out to be the devil's advocate and wreak havoc of my faith, that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is raw and uncensored relationship with Jesus. Being able to deal with who I am where I am, without fear of rejection or stoning. The Pharisees did a superb job of derailing many a layman's faith in the Bible, and unfortunately, I've met one too many Pharisees in my day. I'm over religion .... that's not what I'm here for.

You may be surprised to hear my saying this. I mean, I'm a pastor's wife for crying out loud. Aren't I supposed to wear jumpers and lace blouses and play the piano? (Don't hold your breath on that one!) I'm not supposed to wear my frailty on my sleeves and openly admit that I struggle. Sorry. You're not going to get that from me. You're not going to get anything but the raw deal, and I know that that will make some people uncomfortable. But I hope that more people find it refreshing and comforting than those that it ruffles their feathers. I don't know how to be any other way .... I'm not in this journey to please other people or make my family look like the Cleavers. I'm just here to figure out who my God is and fall in love with Him. The outpouring of my in-love heart will be evidence of that relationship.

So, how am I putting hands and feet on this idea? For one, God has probably heard more than enough about how I feel and what I think. I'm sure I sound like a broken record, but unfortunately, I am sort of hung up like one. Second, I'm going to start studying His attributes. I figure the best way for me to re-rail my faith is to go back to the Source, and study who God is.... based on His Word alone ... straight from the horse's mouth. Then I can maybe begin tossing out the wrong ideas or concepts that I have lazily acquired over the years. I'll be sure to let you know what I'm learning along the way. Right now I'm just getting my cool binder organized and ready for take off. Thanks for reading!