What a week! I think that I probably experienced the entire emotional range possible on just about any given day last week. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m glad it’s over! It all started Tuesday morning when I decided to get up early and go to the gym before my husband’s outpatient surgery. My rational was that I would spend the majority of the day sitting, so I’d get ahead of the curve with an early workout and then enjoy my time resting in the waiting room. Unfortunately … that didn’t go as planned. As soon as I walked out my bedroom door I could smell the foul fumes of Great Dane explosion rising up the stairs. It was 6:45am. It was appalling. When I opened my laundry room door it looked like a mud slinging contest had erupted during the night, and there were no winners, only casualties. I was shell-shocked. And then I did what any chicken of a person would do. I quickly let all three dogs out into the backyard, posted a sticky note on the laundry room door saying “Do Not Enter,” and quietly slipped out the door. It was just too early to deal with that shit … literally.
Admittedly, I knew that it was a bad decision at the time. My in-laws would be coming into town to see my post-surgery hubby, and our sweet live-in college graduate would be taking care of our three kids all day in the midst of the nastiness. I fully intended to clean it up as soon as we got home from the hospital, but other people would have to deal with my procrastination and laziness in the meantime. Where am I going with this? Relationships are messy. Real messy.
Not only did Barnabas download his unhappy stomach one night, not two nights, but three nights in a row. His jail cell sized crate is too big to fit through the laundry room door so it can’t just be carried out and hosed off. You have to take the liner pan out and tilt it to the side to get it through the door, all the while trying to keep any output from slipping off the pan and splattering on the floor. Then you have to take his monster size body pillow out to “breathe” in the sunshine before you can even attempt to remove it and shove it in the washer. Then come the scrubbing and disinfecting of the entire laundry room floor and walls. All while a less than two year old hangs onto your left leg and keeps repeating “I clean Mama too.” It was a lot of mess and a lot of work.
But do I still love Barnabas? Yes. Did I spend all that time cleaning up his mess and bathing him in my Jacuzzi tub because I love him? Yes. Our relationship got messy for the first real time, and probably will have at least 100 more minor disasters, but that’s a part of loving something … or someone. We are going to disgust each other, hurt each other, and let each other down. And then it’s our choice to get over it and move on, or stew in it and grow bitter. Inventory of my life may show that I've spent far too much time stewing.
My husband likes to find funny things on the internet and share them with me. Once of his favorite findings was a site of demotivational posters. One of my favorites is this ...
Unfortunately, it is funny and sad, but true. I am the weak link in all my relationships. Granted, my friends and family may be weaker and more dysfunctional than I am, but that still doesn't negate the fact that I'm dysfunctional too. Dysfunctional from birth because of the fall. Dysfunctional still because I'm waiting on the Second Coming. No matter how hard we all try, we are tainted by sin, and not just sin at our appendages, but sin at our core. It is deeply woven into the fabric of our being. Yes, Jesus promises to give those of us who call on Him a new heart (and Praise Jesus for that!) but we're still going to be broken and hurting people who break and hurt people on this side of eternity.
At least if we understand our contribution to the problems in our relationships, then we're half way to correcting what is within our power. We can't fix other people, but we can try to fix the junk that is honestly ours. That doesn't sound like much fun, but it's the only productive way of changing something ... starting with yourself. I think I'm about to begin a very long journey on that ... wish me well : )
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