Two Strikes off my Bucket List ...

Well, I finally did it. I knocked two things off my bucket list this weekend. I went deep sea fishing for the first time, and I bought a Great Dane puppy. I’ve wanted a Great Dane for years and I guess my husband was just feeling extremely charitable at the time. I attribute my longing for a Dane to my unfulfilled childhood dream of owning a horse … I figure this is the next best thing : )

My Dane is what they call a Mantle Merle, which means he is light gray with dark gray spots. He has a white chest and neck along with a white muzzle and center stripe between his eyes. He also has four white feet and the tip of his tail looks like it’s been dipped in a can of white paint. He has enormous floppy ears and chops that jiggle at the corners of his giant mouth. He has absolutely NO idea that he is larger and heavier than my oldest child who is seven. He is a 50 lb. bundle of clumsiness and delight with aspirations of being a lap dog. And he is one of the most gentle puppies I have every come across. It has been confirmed why this breed of dogs is called “gentle giants.”

So what did we name our human-size five-month-old canine? His name is Barnabas meaning “Son of Encouragement.” My intentions with Barnabas are to have a family pet and companion of course. But they are also much deeper than that. I have entered into this relationship with Barnabas in attempts to help me better understand my relationship with God the Father. I know it sounds crazy, and to some it might be, but for me, this might be the ticket to help me truly grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the Father’s love for me.

I have a dear friend who lives in Texas, and much like myself, she has struggled with depression for a long time. Her therapist told her something eye-opening a few weeks ago, and she in turn shared it with me. Her therapist asked her if she really believed that God loved her. And her response was humble yet honest, “Not really,” she replied. “I can ascribe to his love mentally and cite passages about it from Scripture, but I don’t really believe it in an active daily sense.” I bet there are a lot of us that feel that way. So her therapist asked her if she could think of something, anything, in her life that she absolutely adored. My friend instantly replied, “my son.” She has three boys, but at the moment, her youngest son is the absolute apple of her eye. She delights in him, is enthralled by him, and could absolutely eat him up! Though he is not perfect, in her eyes, he’s the next best thing. Her therapist told her to start envisioning herself in God’s eyes the way that she sees her baby boy. That God adores her even more than she adores her son. Though simple, it was earth-moving for her (and me). To have something tangible to connect with, and put hands and feet on adoring something … and then relating that God adores me exponentially more!

So where does Barnabas fit into all this? Well … you see … I’m an animal lover. And I absolutely LOVE dogs. I can’t keep my hands off of them. I like to pat them, scratch them, kiss them on the nose, smell their sweet puppy breath (and their stinky dog breath). I look for them when I walk in the door every day and I kiss them good night every night. I love the sixth sense that they have to read my emotions and respond, and that gentle look in their eyes that let’s you know that they’re on your side no matter what. These are just a few of the reasons why I love dogs. So when relating to the question my friend’s therapist asked her, the way that I feel towards dogs could be an inspiration for me to better understand God’s love of me. I see Barnabas as a kind of pet-therapy project alongside a family companion and friend.

This blog is my attempt at journaling this journey with Barnabas. I really don’t expect anybody to read it. Heck, I don’t follow anybody's blog! But if you do find yourself reading this, then maybe you’re in a little need of pet-therapy yourself. Or maybe you find that my crazy ideas and inspirations make you feel a little more normal, and that’s fine too. I’m not afraid of who I am or what I may be wrestling with. I choose to deal with life honestly and vulnerably. I have been accused before of “laying too much honesty out on the table.” So, if you’re one of those people, maybe this blog isn’t for you.